28 December 2017

diary kuning

kemana dia ? kenapa dia begitu jauh?
hilangkah ingatannya?
aku tidak mau ada dia saat sakitku 
aku ingin dia ada di saat aku baik baik saja. 
tapi kemana dia ? 
saat memutar waktu mengingat dinginnya suasana di rumah tua itu 
dua kali tiga meter, antrian kamar mandi, radio dan kaset indie band inggrisnya
dia disebelah kamarku, kebanyakan lenje2 kami saat itu
makan seadanya lebih sering mie instan, tapi kok aku bahagia
bagiku itu saat terindah 
baginya mungkin saat menyiksa
mungkin sekaranglah 
saatnya ia terbang dan lupakan segalanya
semua dan kenangan yang lama 
menjadi dirinya yang ia inginkan selama ini 
selamat menjadi diri kamu yang baru dan bahagia, teman.. 

aku, kangen 

15 November 2017


sleep inside and but fully awake
step a head from an anxious please keep me insane
so that i could remember your warm hand and touch
your sharp eyes and the overexposed feeling
then all we can do is let it go
just another moment to remember
we have to recreate politely
show to the world that actually we can do a lot of things
but to be drown at the same time
so there will no hatred
or to be hurt


31 October 2017


(.n) Someone who hide pain behind a smile

26 July 2017


Kayak yang udah paling bener aja 

#selfreminder #remainsilent

28 January 2016

next to me

guarantee i will always beside you.
move with you at the same time
deal with hurt and burned and exhausted
we were different and now we are one

other may think its insane
we once went down and deep indisposed
looking for glorious result we may achieve
gave the last effort to the most priceless gift
to conquer our self from hatred and separation.

most of all we built this to last
most of all we have each other  
the more we fought the more your face stays inside my mind
and above of all its all worth the pain
your name placed in my heart even before i realized

other may think its insane
we once went down and deep indisposed
looking for glorious result we may achieve
gave the last effort to the most priceless gift
to conquer our self from hatred and separation.

you and my memories

My life is supposed to be cute as your eyes
it is supposed to be as nice as drinking morning coffee  
its should be loads of songs and lyrics as i dream of.. 

i was supposed to be your biggest supporter.. lay down by your side 
when you read or do your masterpiece.. our eyes meet sometimes and it has the same meaning 
when you say your dream and i say you will be there someday
i say you will be there someday

hold you all along the road, that kind one of comforting
you like my post and you cant imagine to reply or how to note
funny thing that i dont have to be somebody else when im with you
and you replied so do you

the moment was over, memories still remain,
this cafe still played our song, and how you hold my hand is the only thing i remember..

18 December 2015

money taking control


17 December 2015


I've been watching gossip girl or scandal, their most stories about speculating things.
well it's for real in my real life. we're about to speculate about everything.

11 December 2015

dare to dream

Do you dare to dream?
i have a dream, one dream.
im but too scared even to think about it


brain wont stop working and rolling. need coffee but i have gastro issue. have to finish all of this. but its extremely hard to start. its 5pm already. youre complaining and you dont take complaint, sometime its about my bos or else.
rain is always coming these days. i havent see any single rainbow after the rain. i missed my father. i dont know him well. i want to know him well. as he want to know me better i suppose.
do you know, cheating is easy. breaking is easy. maintain is hard. love is just a feeling we wont take to the grave. so just let it go. feel and let it go. dont have to make it so complicated. but still keep watching if theres text coming through phone.
always try to solve everybodys problem. everybodys case. so wheres my case? wheres my cigarette? wheres my shelter? wheres the shoulders? wheres those eyes?
be good. as a person, be a SINCERE. we've tried. we work then we go home. at the time and at late. and at so very late.